Jordan Kauffman

            Jordan grew up in a Christian family, went to church regularly, and in general was a good guy. He wasn’t rebellious, never did anything crazy. He believed what his parents believed, and did what the church told him to do, for the most part. He did accept Christ when he was seven and several more times after that. That’s because Jordan liked going up for altar calls though, and it was a competition between him and his cousin to see who could get up there first – actually, Jordan admits that it was probably only a competition for him. His cousin may have had better intentions.

            Jordan’s relationship with Christ started very early, though he didn’t entirely understand the weight of that relationship and begin to have a more personal connection with Christ until right before he started high school. The summer after eighth grade, Jordan went on a middle school retreat. While he was there he had something like a vision. It was similar to something he had seen in a made-for-TV Christian movie. He was in a large crowd when everyone froze and he was the only one who could move. Jesus was on the cross, and Jordan walked up to him. They looked at each other, then Jordan turned and just walked away.

            This was an eye opener for Jordan, and marked the beginning of his personal relationship with Christ. From that point on, Jordan made greater attempts at seeking out Christ. He wasn’t always successful, and it was still hard, though. Throughout high school, Jordan tried to figure out how to separate his faith from that of his parents, how to have his own relationship with Christ that wasn’t just mimicry. Jordan also describes his relationship with Jesus in high school as being very emotionally based. The best way he knew to connect with God was through emotionally charged situations, and so he was constantly seeking these out. He judged how his relationship with God was going by how he felt, and that wasn’t always the best measure. While he was feeling good about it, that would be great, but if he felt distant from God, he didn’t have much to hold onto to tell him that wasn’t necessarily true.

            At this point, Jordan’s relationship with Christ is very different from how it was in high school. He now is much more intellectual in his approach to God than he used to be. He’s always thinking about why he believes what he believes, why he does certain things, whether or not there is value in different traditions and practices of the church. And all of that is good. Jordan is very thoughtful of how he relates to God, though he does think he’s become too analytical. He has a hard time believing the things he did in high school, but wishes sometimes that he could get caught up in an emotionally charged moment with God from time to time. He is now trying to find that balance between being both emotional and intellectual with God.

            Jordan also, like many of us, struggles with a vast amount of other things in his relationship with God. He has a hard time figuring out how he’s supposed to love a God that he can’t easily see or hear. He wonders how he is now supposed to be a man of God, since he is no longer a child. And most of all, he wonders what his role is in God’s Kingdom, and what His plan for him is.

            Jordan struggles with many things, and has gone through a lot of dramatic changes in his relationship with Christ. He has gone from misunderstanding and complacency, to emotional overdrive, to an analytical approach. He is still trying to find a balance in how he relates to God. However, despite all the changes he’s gone through, and things he still has trouble with, Jordan is still actively seeking out God.